Entries Tagged as 'Humorous Stories & Jokes'

Hookers lining up for their BJs

http://www.brooklynpaper.com/stories/31/35/31_35_mm_bjs_reaction.html

Hookers lining up for their BJs

The Brooklyn Paper

Plans to bring BJ’s Wholesale Club, potentially the second big box retailer in Red Hook, sent a shiver of excitement and mild horror through the neighborhood this week.

As reported by The Brooklyn Paper last week, developer Joe Sitt hopes to bring the national retailer to the old Revere sugar factory next to Ikea.

But the news of yet another big box on Beard Street sparked a debate similar to the one that raged for years about the likely effects of the Swedish home furnishing giant’s incursion into the hardscrabble neighborhood.

“I’m there for anything that’s going to bring jobs to my community,” said Dorothy Shields, head of the tenants association at the Red Hook East housing project, where unemployment is close to 20 percent.

But opponents saw the BJ’s proposal as confirmation that they were right all along: that the Ikea would create a chain reaction of chain stores.

“Our biggest fear is that [a second national retailer] would lead to the domino effect of big box stores on the waterfront,” said Joe Bernardo, co-owner of the Hope and Anchor diner on Van Brunt Street.

But if there was any difference between the war over Ikea, which drew deep divisions in Red Hook and the worries about the BJ’s, it is that today, people are less fearful of a traffic catastrophe, thanks to the apparent success Ikea has had in minimizing congestion on Red Hook’s narrow and lazy roads by providing free water taxis to Manhattan and shuttle buses to Brooklyn subway stations.

“Ikea has done a great job with traffic,” said Greg O’Connell, who brought the Fairway supermarket to the neighborhood.

Bernardo, who opposed the Ikea, agreed that traffic has not snarled the way he and many others envisioned and said there’s been an increase in weekend customers at his restaurant near the corner of Wolcott Street since Ikea opened — all of which makes him less nervous about the likely arrival of BJ’s.

“I have an open mind. In some ways, we were wrong about Ikea,” he told The Brooklyn Paper.

Internet Porn and You (hilarious cartoon)

Show them to me (nsfw)

This video is a little racy with exposed breasts from the audience. Great song though.

Beach Volleyball is hot

WARNING: Satan is Using Olympics Volleyball to Get Young Boys to Masturbate!


The Devil is using Olympics volleyball to lure young men into shedding their clothes, flopping around and falling off off their beds with him into the pit of iniquity. Lucifer is turning innocent afternoon gatherings of imprecatory prayer into frenzied young Masturbating Baptist Boys’ Clubs!”

When Mrs. Huxton put her ear to the door, she told Pastor that she “heard not the sacred sounds of scripture readings accompanied by soft sweet whispers to our Heavenly Father, but rather a noisy television set spewing Chinese gibberish, tuned to an Olympic volleyball match.” When she listened closer, she heard the slapping sounds of flesh-on-flesh accompanied by the grunts and moans of little Christian boys!

When she opened the door, Mrs. Huxton reported seeing a pile naked young men, including her own son. “Timothy’s head was peeking out from under the pimpled rump of his prayer leader,” she said. “They were all on the bedroom floor covered in sweat, their stiffened purple tallywhackers pointing in every direction.” Before Mrs. Huxton fainted in the doorway, she noticed the Tivo paused on the scantily clad knee of an Olympic volleyball player from the corner of her tearing eye.

This is just too funny. Be scared of everything people. That will save you.
You can read the rest of this stupid article

Boob Punch! New fetish or Internet Meme?

The Onion: Why Do Porn Actors Have To Use Such Foul Language?

I know this is the onion, which is a fake newspaper, but this one had me rolling.

I can’t tell you how many times I’ve tried to enjoy a hardcore sex scene, only to have it ruined by the participants screaming, “F– my p–” and, “Oh, yeah, suck my big, hard you-know-what, baby.” Is it really necessary to resort to such foul language?

It would be one thing if the potty-mouthed performers were just the men. Everyone knows men, especially creative types like actors, can be a little rough around the edges. But, sadly, most of the cussing comes from the ladies. From the moment the delivery man unzips his fly to the moment he finishes all over her face, every word out of these ladies’ mouths is “F– this” and “F– that.” Can’t I make it through a single triple-penetration scene without hearing things like, “F– my tight C-word with your huge blankety-blank, you big, black you-know-what”?

full article: http://www.theonion.com/content/node/33248?issue=4228&special=2002