http://messageboard.tuckermax.com/showthread.php?t=2355

Perhaps not necessarily what was said, but what was done that was fucked up -
This girl and I were about five minutes into funky butt sex when I popped out (the lube was running dry, which is mildly important later). Instead of helping me back into the back door, she directs my penis into her vagina. When I discovered this, I immediately pulled out and asked her “Whatthefuck?”
Her reply? “It’s starting to hurt. You can finish here”.
I am amazed at some people’s stupidity sometimes, and she’s 28 fer fuck’s sake! I asked if she’d ever heard of hepatitus or the myriad other infections hers for the taking should she try the bait and switch on me. “Uh, no”.

“My parents are going to love you, especially my mom”

Mid drunken hookup, I am hammering her from behind and she is groaning violently. Suddenly, she is quiet.

Her: Stop, something’s wrong.
Me: Hwah?
Her: STOP!

I stop and pull out. She wiggles a little and a series of LOUD, wet queefs proceed to fire off like a tommy gun. I fall off of the bed laughing. Suprisingly, she’s still in the mood, but it took me a good ten minutes to collect myself. Even 20 minutes later, mid coitus, I’m still giggling every few seconds. Coming became one of the greatest tests of focus I have endured in my life.

Two minutes before Sex…
Her ~ “You don’t need a condom, I’ve been sterile since I was 16″

Five minutes After Sex (After I just happily blew my load into her twat)
Her ~ “God, I hope I didn’t get pregnant”
Me ~ “Didn’t use say you couldn’t get pregnant because you are sterile?”
Her ~ “Well, I think I am sterile now, but I’m not sure…”

Me: Shit, is that a Sade CD playing?
Him: Yeah, why?
Me: I cannot listen to that during sex anymore, can you shut it off?
Him: “Anymore”? What does that mean?
Me: See, I had that song, No Ordinary Love, on during sex once and it was on repeat by acccident and it played for like three hours.
Him: Wow, three hours?!? Some sex, huh?
Me: Well, there were three of us.

Girl: “I’m pregnant.”
Me: “It’s not possible.”
Girl: “No, its not yours.”
Me: “oh…”

her: “do you think we woke up (roomate’s name)?”

long pause.

roomate: (from across the room) Yes.

There is a whole bunch more there:
http://messageboard.tuckermax.com/showthread.php?t=2355