I very rarely go to parties.
Most of the time I think of going to parties as some sort of a chore that I have to do for the person that I like that’s throwing the party, or the person that wants me to come with them. It’s just so hard for me to find interesting people to talk to, and I’m terrible about forcing a fake conversation. I just can’t do it anymore.
The only time parties are really fun for me besides the rare time when I get to talk to someone interesting, is when something fucked up happens.
So when I got a call from one of the guys I do jiu jitsu with, asking me if I wanted to go to a “porno party,” of course I was excited.
For SURE there’s got to be something fucked up going on there, I thought.
Silly me.
So we get there and there’s this set up out in a parking lot where they’ve got a projection screen set up and a bunch of chairs. Nobody is sitting there in the chairs, so I don’t really pay too much attention. What I did pay attention to, is that this wild “porno party” was actually just 40 dudes standing around drinking, staring at 4 fairly homely looking chicks.
Ooh… I have a feeling this one might suck.
…
“Ok, everybody take a seat, the movie is about to begin…”
…The fuck? The movie?
…
Before this, of course the director must address the crowd.
He gets up, and he thanks everyone for coming, and then he talks about the movie like it was some really difficult accomplishment, and about how so many people told him it couldn’t be done.
Now I’m really confused. “Isn’t this a porno film that he’s talking about?”
…
This is what I’ve read:
Pornography in this country rakes in over 12 billion a year. I mean, that is an immense amount of money. To put that into perspective, porn revenue is larger than the revenues of all professional football, baseball and basketball franchises COMBINED. It’s also double what the combined revenues of ABC, CBS, and NBC are.
It’s a huge fucking business, (no pun intended.)
…
[ A ] scene being played for the whole audience of party goers in this parking lot, and this girl is on her knees violently shoving this guys cock into her mouth while making noises that sound remarkably like an otter. While this is all happening on the screen, someone says, “She’s here!”
A car pulls into the parking lot, and the princess steps out and says hi to all her friends.
People applaud.
With her in the car, is a young guy. He looks like he’s in his early 20’s, and he doesn’t really seem like the type to be hanging around with a chick like her. Then I see his face when he looks up at the screen and sees the girl that he arrived with, and she’s got her legs behind her head like a contortionist while this rather rude gentleman is alternating shoving his cock in her ass, and then her mouth, over and over again.
Ass, mouth, ass, mouth, ass, mouth.
The guy is grunting like a gorilla, and every time he shoves it in her mouth, she’s making the otter noise.
The kid’s eyes are locked on the screen. He’s got this look in his eyes is like he really believes that his brain must be malfunctioning. Like he just can’t comprehend what he’s watching. Like as if he didn’t even know she was a porn star. His jaw drops.
After about 30 seconds of this kid standing in front of the screen, frozen in the hypnotic spell of ass, mouth, ass, mouth, ass, mouth… he turns to her asks her a question, and I hear her say, “I was gonna tell you.”
NO FUCKING WAY.
I was gonna tell you?
Suddenly, the party just exceeded my wildest expectations.
Is it really possible that this chick could be so crazy that she would invite a guy to a party where a bunch of people are going to sit around and watch a movie of her getting gorilla fucked and not let him know what he was in for?
How is this possible? I have to talk to this guy.
They’re talking, and I’m trying to eavesdrop, but the sound of the movie is drowning out their words. I’m only picking out every third or fourth word that they say, because the guy’s nuts are slapping off this chick’s ass every couple seconds with a sound that was like someone cleaning off chalk board erasers.
…
I’m staring at the bathroom door waiting for him to come out with the same giddy anticipation star wars geeks must have when they’re sitting in the theater, and the opening credits are about to roll.
Finally, the kid comes out.
“Hey man, can I talk to you for a second?” At this point in time it was pretty clear that he didn’t know anyone here, and he looked like he needed a friend to talk to so I didn’t even feel bad for prying.
“Are you dating that chick?” “Um… well sorta. This is our first date.”
“Did you know that she did this?” The kid starts laughing, “No, I had no fucking idea. I just met her out at a bar the other night. She told me she was a makeup artist.”
WOW.
Could you even fucking imagine the jolt that went through this kid’s mind when he first stepped out of the car and saw what was playing on that screen?
…
Everything was going great, until he stepped out of the car and looked up at that screen. The dream was shattered.
Ass, mouth, ass, mouth, ass, mouth…
For a second or two, I bet he was even searching in his mind, trying to find some way that he could be OK with all this. I mean, this chick IS pretty hot.
Ass, mouth, ass, mouth, ass, mouth. Gorilla, chalk board erasers, otter, gorilla, chalk board erasers, otter.
Nope, there’s no fucking way this is going to work out.
Damn, that sucks. She’s pretty fucking hot.
“Fuck,” I said. “That’s one of the craziest things I’ve ever heard in my life.
Read the whole thing at Joe Rogan’s blog (there’s even a picture of the dude and the girl):
